Before and After Example – What Is Wrong with My Resume?

A forum-goer tells us: “I am so aggravated with searching for a job and no-one is responding to me. Someone please let me know what is wrong with my resumé.”

Below is an excerpt from her resumé.

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OBJECTIVE: Secure a position with a well established firm and utilize my knowledge and skills of Information Technology to allow the company, as well as myself to a productive working relationship.

EXPERIENCE:
8/2001 – Present Tempae University Athletic Department Moordock, LA
Tempae Athletic Fund Research Perform research for the Athletic Director of Tempae University. Compile recordings of alumni financial contributions. Assist in computer operations
6/1999 – 8/1999 Cat’s Whiskers, Pasadena, LA
Maintained a safe environment for patrons in security position. Monitored safety within the perimeter of the club.
5/1996 – 8/1996 MAR-SEP Aviation Supply, Los Angeles, CA
Developed Database and worked in telemarketing. Assistant to Vice President of Sales

EDUCATION
1997-2002 Tempae University Moordock, LA
B. S. Computer Information Systems, Minor: Business Major GPA 2.7
COURSE STUDIES Computer: C,C++, HTML, Internet Publishing, Database Admin, SDLC, Client/Server Dev, Word, Flash, FrontPage, Excel, System analyst+design, Windows 98/00, Sql, Networking. Business: Finance, Accounting, Management, Marketing

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This is a fairly typical resumé of an applicant still making a start in an industry. If you’re in a similar situation, you need to understand how VITAL it is to not simply list out your skills and experiences and HOPE that an employer can somehow interpret it and magically work out what it is that you can do for them. To be blunt – they WON’T!

The thing you need to bear in mind that when you apply for a job, the best way to get the employer’s attention is to start talking ‘their language’ and to start focusing on THEM – not you. To help you understand this – here’s a simple test to see whether your application is too focused on YOU.

Count up the number of times you use the words ‘I’, ‘me’ and ‘my’ in your application and the number of times you use the words ‘you’, ‘your’ and ‘yours’. If you don’t have 4-5 times as many ‘you’, ‘your’ and ‘yours’ than ‘I’, ‘me’ and ‘my’s, then your application is focusing too much on you and not enough on the employer – and for that simple reason, it will look like everyone else’s application.

Obviously, this is something you don’t want. So having said that – let’s tackle this person’s objective statement. If you can get your objective right, you’ll have a good idea of how to handle the rest of your application and resumé. Try to learn from this example the kind of things you should be doing to your own objective or mission statement if you use one.

Their objective: “Secure a position with a well established firm and utilize my knowledge and skills of Information Technology to allow the company, as well as myself to a productive working relationship.”

The first thing you notice is that the objective is all focused on the applicant, and what THE APPLICANT wants to get out the job. The employer is already on to the next application.

What about customizing the resumé based on each application and giving an objective that will actually excite an employer?

I’ve come up with a very, very general objective (because obviously I can’t know what positions you’re applying for…) Even though it’s very general, make sure to note that it’s still focused on the employer and THEIR needs, not on you and your needs. Consequently even this very general objective will get more attention than any self-serving, me-focused objective that everyone writes.

If you can customize the objective based on the company you’re applying to, what the company does, how it does it, and the kind of position you’d like, then you’re really onto something.

Revised objective: I realize how vital motivated and happy staff are to the long-term success of your business. My passion is turning every one of my ’staff’ into ‘customer service managers’ who feel more ownership of the business and actually take responsibility for solving the customer’s problems. So if you want to turn your customers into raving fans who tell their friends and family about your business, then I’m your next [position title].

Just to reiterate – I’m not suggesting you use this objective (unless you really like it of course.) I’m suggesting you study the way it shifts the focus from YOU to THEM. This is the key that will get you the job you want.

by Murray Gray